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Angry Miss "Red" Riding Hoodlum

A Modern-day fairytale I wrote for my sweet Donna.

Having just blown away the last fortifications of the three little pigs, and eaten the last and the juiciest of the swine, the Big Bad Wolf was making his way back through the forest when he chanced upon Little Red Riding Hood.

Her eyes widened as she saw him. Her mouth opened and let loose a stream of invective that turned the air blue.

This was the THIRD F***ing time this week thet he was F***ing Late!

The verbal attack was followed by a physical one, from which the Wolf thought it safer to retire than to respond.

He retired to the local “Three Goats” pub.
He’d quite forgotten their arranged meeting, and it was chance that he had chanced upon her, for he had double booked himself.
He was cheered up by the sight of an old flame, Goldilocks. She was already into her third beer.
Furtively picking an irritating shred of pig from between his teeth, he apologised as he sat down across from her.

Goldilocks smiled, murmuring: "You're late".
He smiled back: “Had to stop for a quick little snack and ran into some complications, is all”

She says it’s the third time he's late - and that waiting lowers her self-esteem.
The silver tongued wolf replies that on one of those occasions he was in a car smash.
The youngest of the three goats saunters over: “Oy mate! Wot yer drinkin?”
Wolf orders a Nastro Azurro “and another for my delicious lady”

Over by the Buffet, he noticed Little Miss Muffet, showing her curves away… he was a bit nervous here.
Since he’d last laid down beside her he was thinking she might me a mother next May...

“Little Miss Muffet
Sat at the Buffet
Showing her curves away
Along came a wolf
who sat down beside her
She’s going to be a mother next May... etc”

Which soon elicited a call from a hysterically laughing Donna: "I love the picture! Print it out for me!"

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